Ed Conrad
Guest
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 Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2003 3:43 pm Post subject: THE PRESIDENT SPEAKS (No, NOT That one) |
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Here are three emails -- in order -- I>ve receved from
Mr. Greenwald of Bots-R-Us over the past few days.
The company apparently is having bulk email problems,
so he kindly asked me to pass them along.
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UPDATE/s3#178-T/relay/CRG/A#794/8P/=S13-04
UPDATE/s4#179-T/relay/CRG/A#787/9/P=S13-05
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all-newsgroups/NO-DELAY/WallaWallaWA/9:35am
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[quote]Curtis R. Greenwald
Bots-R-Us
Founder, President and Chief Executive Officer
Bots-R-Us
Walla Walla, WA
Monday, Sept. 15, 2003
Good morning all. This will have to be brief because
I have a tannning session at 10 a.m.
As founder, president and chief executive officer of
Bots-R-Us, the nation>s leading provider of Internet
bots, I am pleased to inform you that the recent problem
with some of our disfunctioning Internet bots finally
has been corrected.
The disoriented bots of talk.origins and a number of other
sci newsgroups have been repaired and within hours should
again be scurrying onto your computer screen promulgating
their message of deceit, deception, collusion and conspiracy.
As you know -- and I hate to brag -- we here at Bots-R-Us
have long been the leading manufacturer of Internet bots
to provide stimulating discussion in the news groups.
They have been programmed to overcome a total absence
of facts and physical evidence.
I applaud our technical staff for having designed these
bots who, until the current malfunctions, have been doing
a super job for which they were intended.
Our only regret is that some eventually ran out of steam and,
for that, we sincerely apologize.
Until the problem first surfaced a few weeks ago, these bots
had done us proud here at corporate headquarters, successfuly
carrying out their mission of defending factless, facetious theories;
lambasting truth, and assaulting the character of anyone who
dares present facts and physical evidence (contrary to the theory
of evolution which we all know, down deep, is a fairy tale).
Harry, our chief technician, explained that the brainstem of many
of these bots had become disattached over time due to too much
daily exertion. But, heck, we had anticipated an eventual problem
since many have been chastising truth and heralding fiction for
years. And, as we all know, nobody>s perfect.
Sadly, one our our most troublesome bots has yet to be refitted.
It is Bot.v1Sienkiewiecz who has been difficult to locate since it has
been passing itself off as a semi-retired millionaire lawyer and
therefore has millions of places to hide.
To our regret, Bot.v1 Sienkiewicz continues its tirade of accusing
everyone seeking truth of being -- and I quote -- "a coward and
a liar," much like a broken record. Our bots have been programmed
to be much more discreet.
Take it from me -- Curtis A. Greenwald, founder, president
and chief executive officer of Bots-R-Us -- we have set a trap
for Bot.v1Sienkiewicz and you can be assured that it, too, will
be back in our factory very soon.
Happily, troublesome wayward bots that have had their danglewires
succcessfully refitted include Bot.v9.Dietiker, Bot.v5.Krolczyk,
Bot.v1/4.Boikat, Bot.v2.Dunford, Bot.v2.vanillagorilla (Monkey
Boy), Bot.v3 John Wilkins, Bot.v4 Howard Hershey, Bot.v1/2.anastasia,
Bot.v3.Robert A.Walker, Bot.v1.Stew Dean,Bot.v4 Matt Silberstein,
Bot.v6.Ho-Stuart, Bot.v5.Casanova, Bot.v3.Howatt, Bot.v4.Wade Hines,
Bot.v5.Raven2, Bot.v6.gen1rev, Bot.v3/Klivo, Bot.v1.HokeyWolf,
Bot.v7.clydeweys and Bot.v4.kenrode.
You should see them now. They>re certainly the apple of our eye.
If there are any questions, please do not hesitate to call me --
Curtis A. Greenwald, founder, president and chief executive
officer of Bots-R-Us -- on our toll-free 800 number at corporate
headquarters. I should be back around noon, after my tanning
session.
Unfortunately, we still only have one line, so please be patient
when you call. As mentioned before, Millie, my secretary,
sometimes ties up the telephone for hours chatting with her
girlfriend. Just stay on hold. I>m sure you>ll eventually get through.
Cordially,
Curtis R. Greenwald
Founder, President and Chief Executive Officer
Bots-R-Us
Walla Walla, WA
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OUR BOTS' MOST DIFFICULT CHALLENGE
(Petrified coal-age bones, teeth and soft organs)
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Smith/z11calv.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z8femur.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z5gall.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/newtibia.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/skullb.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z9lung.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/brain/MVC-001S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Newpix5/MVC-002S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Bones/MVC-006S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/1tooth.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Newpix3/z3dino.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/MVC-013F.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/MVC-012F.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Day/MVC-005S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Scorpion/MVC-001S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Scorpion/MVC-010S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Scorpion/MVC-020S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/SCORPIONS/MVC-039S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Tool/MVC-003S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Tool/MVC-005S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/FINGER/MVC-008S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/FINGER/MVC-011S.JPG
Petrified human toe (with toenail):
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Au29/MVC-017S.JPG
Petrified human finger (with fingernail AND Petrified human
toe (with toenail){:
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Au29/MVC-016S.JPG
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Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2003
This is Charles R. Greenwald, founder, president and chief
executive officer of Bots-R-Us,
This is being dictated, as I am now a patient in Walla Walla
General Hospital.
I had fallen alseep getting my tanning session and everybody
left at noon. I didn>t wake up until 5:30 and I>m now red as a
redbeet on one side. My other side looks like Casper the Ghost.
Unfortunately, because of these revolting developments,
corpoprate headquarters of Bots-R-Us will be closed for
about two weeks.
Curtis R. Greenwald
Founder, President and Chief Executive Officer
Bots-R-Us
Walla Walla, WA
[/quote]
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[quote]
Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003[/quote]
This is Curtis R. Greenwald, founder, president and
chief executive officer of Bots-R-Us. And, yes, I>m still
dictating.
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Just when I thought things couldn>t get worse, they
have.
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I>ve just discovered that Millie, my personal secretary
for almost 16 years, thought my first name was Charles.
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I intend to fire her as soon as I get back to the office
and she gets off the phone.
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Curtis R. Greenwald
Founder, President and Chief Executive Officer
Bots-R-Us
Walla Walla, WA
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PS: And if that>s NOT enough, the nurses have me
standing here in my underwear and every Goddamn
person in the hospital is congregated near the glass
doors trying to get a glimpse of what I look like.
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Those desiring to send Mr. Greenwald a Get Well card
(no flowers), please address it to:
Curtis R. Greenwald
Founder, President and Chief Executive Officer
Bots-R-Us
Room 314
Walla Walla General Hospital
Walla Walla, WA
99367
[quote]
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Ed Conrad
[quote]http://www.edconrad.com
[/quote]
Man as Old as Coal
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I have taken the liberty of adding a few KEYWORDS
just to make sure all get Mr. Greenwald>s message:
First Amphibians, Paleozoic, Darwin, Rat>s Ass,
General Custer, BBC, alt.fan.cecil-adams, Prohibition,
Miami Herald, Tinkertoys, Winston Churchill, Bermuda
Triangle, New York Yankees, Neaderthal Man, MIT,
Petrification, U.S. Postal Service, Petrified Brains,
Allentown Call-Chronicle, Cesspool, The World View of
William James, SEM, Hominid Remains, Chatanooga,
Featherbrain, CATscan, Dirty Laundry, Howlers
Inc., Little Big Horn, sci.med.pathology, Ax to Grind,
Corporate Fraud, Dandylions, Around the World Cruise,
Albert Einstein, The Hubble, Collusion, Seventh
Inning Stretch, Deceit, Haversian Systems, Jack
Be Nimble Jack Be Quick, U.S.S. Titanic, Washington,
D.C., Pottsville Republican, Dental Textbooks, Senator
Spector, The Congressional Record, Personality
Complex, M&M>s, Thanksgiving, Tampering With
Evidence, Good Friday, Savannah, Ga., Mahanoy
City, Coal Miners, Proof of Life After Death, Visa
Card, Wchovia, Ignorant SOB, Kissing Cousins,
Carousel, Farce, Ruby Foo>s, Wall-Mart, Elizabeth
Taylor, Dandruff, Sophisticaed Technology and
Which Came First the Chicken or the Egg? |
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