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Rubystars
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 Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2003 10:24 am Post subject: Taboo |
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I>m not sure if this is the right newsgroup to ask this in, so if it>s not,
maybe you guys could tell me where would be better.
I was watching "Taboo" on the National Geographic channel before. They had
the episode on about marriage in different cultures.
The first case they talked about was an arranged marriage in India. Here the
bride and groom had no love for each other at the time, and the parents made
all the decisions about who they would marry. Love was expected to grow
between them during the marriage, not before. Another couple from the same
culture was shown and the husband said that love had grown between them as
expected.
A good chunk of the program was devoted to explaining the concept of love,
and the responsibility of choosing a mate. The anthropologists on the
program were saying that in that Indian village, the responsibility was on
the parents to make good decisions for their children, and love came after
marriage, not before.
The last cases in the program were two homosexual couples getting married in
Europe. Two men, and two women were on and talked about their choices. In
these cases, they had explored their own feelings and fell in love with
their same-sex partner. It was a complete opposite to the culture of the
Indian village, where the parents made the decisions, and love came after
the marriage. In this case, love came first, and the responsibility for
choosing a mate was on the person themselves.
I know I>ve been rambling on, but here>s my question: If one of the men or
one of the women that were involved in the same sex marriage had been
brought up in the Indian village, and had an opposite sex partner selected
for them by their parents, then would it have been possible for love to grow
between them as it had for so many other couples in arranged marriages?
I>m wondering if the homosexual feelings arose because the responsibility
was left up to them to choose their own mate, and they were given the option
of selecting the most desirable, instead of having it selected for them and
learning to grow into that pre-arranged role.
I>m not an advocate of arranged marriage but as I was watching the program,
I couldn>t help but wonder about these things. Taboo has had a lot of
programs that made me think a lot, so that>s why I keep watching it.
Anyway, I>m looking forward to your replies.
-Rubystars |
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Crwydryn
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| Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2003 12:41 pm Post subject: Re: Taboo |
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On Sat, 13 Dec 2003 04:24:21 GMT, "Rubystars" <windstorm@swbell.net>
wrote:
<snip to the question, removing the summary regarding arranged
marriages in India and love marriages between homosexuals in Europe as
presented in the television programme "Taboo">
[quote]I know I>ve been rambling on, but here>s my question: If one of the men or
one of the women that were involved in the same sex marriage had been
brought up in the Indian village, and had an opposite sex partner selected
for them by their parents, then would it have been possible for love to grow
between them as it had for so many other couples in arranged marriages?
[/quote]
Hi Rubystars, interesting to find you here too <g>
Unfortunately this question is effectively unanswerable (in the
scientific sense) because the relative roles of genetics and learned
behaviour in homosexuality is not understood.
There seems to be some evidence that there *is* a genetic component,
but history also shows us that there is a strong learned component.
However, I>ll venture a speculation: it wouldn>t be relevant if one
(or both) partners in an arranged marriage were homosexual. One thing
to keep in mind that the European concept of romantic love is not
necessarily the kind of love the couple are expected to develop. I
suspect that some researchers - and many of these documentaries -
confuse romantic love with love generally. It>s also difficult for us
to divorce the western idea of exclusivity from our concepts of
marriage - in some other cultures, it>s by no means mandatory. In
fact, I>ve heard (apocryphally) about research which suggests that
exclusivity is nowhere near as common in our own culture as we would
like to think. My thinking is that so long as both partners accept
arranged marriage as a normal convention, and so long as the parents
had carefully selected partners who were socially compatible with each
other, it would be inevitable for them to develop a close relationship
over time. Sex might be viewed by one or both as an obligation rather
than a pleasure, but no doubt any distaste would be overcome, just as
it is among homosexual men who try to hide their true feelings by
marrying and fathering children in the western world.
For the record, the few friends I>ve had who come from cultures in
which arranged marriages are still reasonably common tell me that
people are given some say in who their partner will be (cases of
forced marriages are rare, and disapproved of by the community) and
that the common feeling in their home communities is that marriage and
romance are quite separate areas of people>s lives - romance is for
the young, marriage for the responsible.
[quote]I>m wondering if the homosexual feelings arose because the responsibility
was left up to them to choose their own mate, and they were given the option
of selecting the most desirable, instead of having it selected for them and
learning to grow into that pre-arranged role.
[/quote]
An interesting idea, but contradicted by the fact that up until quite
recently homosexuality has been taboo in our own culture, to the point
that most would go so far as to marry and have children in order to
avoid being marginalised, and yet homosexuality has almost certainly
been a constant part of human society for thousands of years.
[quote]
I>m not an advocate of arranged marriage but as I was watching the program,
I couldn>t help but wonder about these things. Taboo has had a lot of
programs that made me think a lot, so that>s why I keep watching it.
Anyway, I>m looking forward to your replies.
-Rubystars
[/quote]
--
Kevyn Winkless kevyn at the-winkless.net
I prithee send me back my heart,
Since I cannot have thine
For if from thine thou will not part,
Why then shouldst thou have mine?
--Sir John Suckling |
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Rubystars
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| Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2003 2:12 pm Post subject: Re: Taboo |
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"Crwydryn" <baka@hornedking.com> wrote in message
<snip>
Good stuff, thanks for the insight. :)
-Rubystars |
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Crwydryn
Guest
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| Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2003 10:19 pm Post subject: Re: Taboo |
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On Sat, 13 Dec 2003 08:12:28 GMT, "Rubystars" <windstorm@swbell.net>
wrote:
[quote]
"Crwydryn" <baka@hornedking.com> wrote in message
snip
Good stuff, thanks for the insight. :)
[/quote]
Glad to be of assistance (^_^)
--
Kevyn Winkless kevyn at the-winkless.net
The unexamined life is not worth living.
--Socrates |
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